Weblog
I’ve been struggling to find a suitable niche for myself to quell some of the social insecurity I’ve so far encountered here, but to no avail, I find myself floating from clique to clique as I have done for the last four years. I hope I don’t sound as if I’m pleading for sympathy, because floating actually isn’t as bad as it is often made out to be (granted, it still sucks). Fact is, most people like to claim they float because it demonstrates a rare, universal compatibility a lot of us wish we had the benefit of when faced with unfamiliar social experiences. I can’t really say for sure if that’s my exact case; I just know that I do handstands all the freaking time, and the reaction I get from unexpecting passerby’s is always one or more of the following: it excites them, amazes them, scares them, or injures them, as in a rather unfortunate mishap yesterday where I nearly removed my Resident Advisor’s face with a faulty landing.
Alex. Human Health Hazard. Mild-mannered house vegetable.
Don’t be alarmed. There are other things about me that have equal, if not greater potential to drive off those I would like to call my ‘friends.’ The suggestive nature of the poster I’ve put up in my room, for example, has already frightened one particular female guest, and since a girl’s word seems to be the final word these days, it’s been decided (however hastily) that any other ornamental additions to my room must first pass under her judgment and scrutiny. Things like teddy bears, Star Wars Micro Machines, and cute little car ornaments containing porcelain cats that bob up and down and make me happier than God are perfectly permissible.
I don’t know what to say now. Telling you that I hoped to depreciate the significance of the matter by avoiding any mention of it seems only to have accomplished the exact opposite. Somehow, a little bird spoke too soon, and now people ask me what her name is; what she looks like; how we met. I’m obviously a little self-absorbed to think that people really do occupy their lives with issues that are mine and mine alone, but there comes a time when you wish you had never opened your mouth in the first place. That said, I’ve given up on secrecy to safeguard my feelings and am now looking to invest in something that sounds eloquent and profound rolling off the tip of one’s tongue but that otherwise has no meaning whatsoever… like… ‘prudent yet unequivocal honesty.’ Wordy and inconclusive enough? Yes, I am a politician at heart. In any case, what’s said is said; what’s done is done. So I’ve come this far. Now what?
Be still, my heart.