simonlife

One difference between men and women — boys and girls — is that poorly or at least moderately dressed women usually know a thing or two about fashion, whereas poorly dressed men are simply unfashionable and probably couldn’t tell you what a lapelle is. The women in question here seem to just choose not to dress themselves fashionably for any number of moral or practical reasons (mostly the latter); unlike their male counterparts, they still entertain their own fairly developed insight into the prevailing haute couture. Too many men (too many in my opinion) graduate from high school not knowing how to tie a tie.

If you happen to be one of the men whom I’ve just chastised, don’t feel bad. It was actually my mom who taught me how to tie a necktie when I was eleven years old, only because (1) it was the night of my first band concert, ever, and (2) because my dad likes to work late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and… oh, I guess everyday. He couldn’t be there to teach me one arguably trivial skill, and no one blames him for that. I certainly don’t. The need to understand the Windsor or the Half Windsor just turns out to be a highly situational phenomenon. If you never played in the band, or if going to the homecoming dance didn’t strike you with appeal, or if you were hoping that your graduation gown would sufficiently cover your neck for the ceremony (it doesn’t, dumbass), then white collar jobs aside, I guess there’s no reason why you would ever need to learn how to tie a tie.

Really, no reason at all.

More on basic fashion formalities though, and let me speak with you frankly: the cool guys in middle and high school were definitely not the ones who wore sneakers and/or white socks as a part of their formal attire. As a witness to many such fashion faux pas, I wanted to laugh, but unfortunately, it happened to be the case that said offenders were in fact some of the more popular kids in school, and laughing at them for a crime no one but I really cared about probably would have been considered fit for a tool.

Before I finish, it would behoove you to know that I am completely unqualified to speak on the subject of Man Grooming. Not once in my life have I ever properly shaved. Coincidentally, my facial hair is sparse enough to forgo a proper shave, but generally speaking, I would rate my personal hygiene and all other related faculties as average. When in doubt, I turn to the women in my family and gay men who run weblogs about the aforementioned topics.

Some things though, you just have to learn on your own. Like considering ass-fit when buying underwear or a new pair of slacks or jeans… ’cause believe it or not, guys, women like ass just as much as we do.