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I guess it really depends on the kind of people you socialize with, but with a fair amount of certainty, I can bet that you and your friends aren’t willing to tolerate the subject of pornography during casual discourse. If you ever have been present during a porn-related conversation, you might remember something surprising or even foul that a friend said, and it might have lingered uncomfortably in the air or in the back of your mind. Either way, my guess is that you probably weren’t in the mood to hear about your friends’ tastes in pornographic entertainment, be it “tasteful” or (God forbid) kinky. To be fair, I must acknowledge those with higher tolerances for taboo material, and so I can just as well see how the subject matter may have passed as standard fare.
If you’re like me, you just wait until someone else brings it up so you don’t have to run the risk of looking like a social deviant. You know, not that I am or anything.
Inspiration
I was enjoying the weakest cocktail ever one evening at Pixel, an Ithacan bar and lounge for technopunks and subculture enthusiasts, when my friend and I managed to steer our chit-chat in the direction of porn. More specifically, we tried to formulate a heuristic to accurately identify the kind of guys of who keep a scrupulous compilation of erotica on their personal computers. The subject of girls consuming porn was never mentioned.
Hush Hush
My friend, a girl, refused to believe me when I said that I have no porn anywhere on any of my computers or external storage devices. I offered to let her search my hard drives and iPod and digital camera, but that didn’t seem to quell her suspicion. Depending on how well you actually know me in person, you may choose to believe me or doubt my claim all together, but I’m not really here to clear my name of any crime (should you believe that the possession of porn is in fact a crime). All I mean to point out by this one example is the fact that it can be easy, amusing, or even convenient to subscribe to the assumption that all men possess porn.
And the reason, I think, is because most of us do.
I mean, it’s no mystery really. Porn just makes it easier for men to appease the part of themselves that seeks immediate, instinctual pleasure — the libido or the id, call it what you will. It’s just that we rarely ever confront the issue out in the open because of the way social taboos encourage people to keep things like their sexual practices, careers (sometimes), and family lives private. You can imagine then how astonishing it might be to unexpectedly discover that one of your most proper, straight-laced friends is a consumer of porn.
If he has it, then everyone must have it.
That’s one reason why it can be easy to assume that all men possess porn; why it might be amusing or convenient is a matter of bias — namely, a self-reinforcing bias. I think it’s fair game to say that society in general shuns the consumption of porn, and so to know that your peers are guilty in this way can act as a buffer against the potential discomfort of your own insecurities or flaws, whether they be of a similar or completely different nature. That is, we’d like some reason to believe that our peers are no less imperfect than we are.
A Matter of Choice
Ultimately, that night at Pixel, our attempt to identify the telling traits of a regular subscriber of porn was inconclusive. It’s just too hard to tell sometimes, and it’s easy to let our presumptions about people get the best of us and cloud our judgment. I’m sure the guys who keep a stash of porn have reasons they’re fully willing to admit to, and there are probably just as many guys with porn who do their best to keep it a secret and deny its existence. For the most part, I don’t think we need to feel too threatened by the choices that either group make.
The small minority of us (I’m guessing that we’re a minority) who live porn-free lives do so in light of our own morals or beliefs. Some have religious motivations; others believe that their time (and free hard drive space) could be used for more productive endeavors; and still yet, a handful of us fear the effects that excessive exposure to porn can have on the psyche, conscious or otherwise, and we are hard-pressed to jeopardize the same mental faculties to which we consign the health and meaning of our interpersonal relationships. The studies on the effects and influence of porn in certain circumstances — marriages and sex crimes among others — are many and varied, and we just choose to err on the side of caution.
There’s plenty more to be said on this subject, but I refuse to go there, here, on my blog.
Reader Comments (7)
anonymous said:
23 September 2006, 8:52 PM
An interesting article. I agree that not all guys have porn on their harddrives. I myself do not have any on mine. However, a burning question is still not addressed. Without porn, do you still masturbate? Depending on what you fantasize about during masturbation, moral implications may arise just as porn raises moral questions. Is it then, more just to fantasize on your own (possibly with someone you know in mind) than to watch porn as a third party spectator?
Alex said:
24 September 2006, 11:32 AM
I don’t think whether I masturbate in the absence of porn deserves to be underscored so emphatically as a “burning question.” I mean, as most guys keep a collection of porn, most guys also masturbate. So what?
I’m sure your initial question was purely rhetorical in nature, but just to be clear, porn is not a requisite for masturbation. Furthermore, masturbation in general is driven by fantasy, with or without porn. Obviously, the fantasies themselves vary from person to person, but I will argue that someone who subscribes to porn is more likely to exercise masturbation habits that are more compulsory or ritualized.
anonymous said:
24 September 2006, 7:59 PM
Well sorry I think I didn’t make my point totally clear. The point I was trying to bring across depends largely upon the reasons you do not watch porn. From reading your article, I assume you belong to the group who do not watch porn because you “fear the effects that excessive exposure to porn can have on the psyche, conscious or otherwise, and we are hard-pressed to jeopardize the same mental faculties to which we consign the health and meaning of our interpersonal relationships”. However, if you masturbate in the absence of pornographic material and fantasize about someone you know, is that anymore morally correct than looking at porn? Do you not jeopardize the same mental faculties as well as your interpersonal relationships as compared to watching pornography? In fact, I believe masturbation without porn may have a more profound effect on the factors stated above since the fantasies that often compliment masturbation include people you know in reality.
Alex said:
24 September 2006, 10:34 PM
I don’t think the use of porn necessarily precludes fantasies about real-life acquaintances, and likewise, I don’t think masturbation in the absence of porn strictly demands them. Sexual fantasies are a complicated and variable matter, and for that and other customary reasons, I chose to leave them out of this post.
You’re right to point out that there are several moral issues to confront when people fantasize about others they know, but I think this behavior occurs with or without porn. The people you choose to include in your fantasies are your own prerogative, and that has more to do with your personal directives than it does your regard for porn (though I recognize that the two are related).
Pornography, in itself, is an active visual stimulus. Part of the nature of being human is to entertain fantasies, but as we are organisms that perceive this world predominantly through visual input, it follows that keeping something out of sight makes it easier to keep out of mind.
I’d like to stress that this is our preference, and we (or at least I) don’t claim to be fundamentally “better” people.
anonymous said:
25 September 2006, 6:18 PM
I agree that create fantasies whether or not they masturbate. However, as you said, porn is an active visual stimulus. When one masturbates in the absence of pornography, one creates similar visual stimuli in one’s mind, often incorporating people they know into their fantasies. As a result, masturbation isn’t all too different from pornography and as you have stated, the two are indeed related. In fact, I will even take the extra step to state that I believe masturbation in the absence of pornography is more morally incorrect than pornography simply because once people in your life are included, there is a high risk that the meaning of your interpersonal relationships will be jeopardized, moreso than pornography would. You are no longer a third party viewer. Instead, you place yourself in the spotlight when it comes to personal fantasies. Therefore, for someone who condemns pornography as being morally wrong, or stays away from pornography for fear of jeopardizing certain factors, is it then not hypocritical to masturbate in the absence of pornography when moral implications are present as well as a higher risk of damaging the so-called factors you wished to protect in the first place by not viewing pornography?
Alex said:
25 September 2006, 9:14 PM
From a cognitive perspective, I find it erroneous to assume that mental images invoke the same underlying psychological processes that real, tangible stimuli do. I’m not really qualified in the field of psychology to speak in detail on this subject, but the psych courses I have taken and my existing knowledge of the way the brain works leave me confident that the imagination and the perceived world have at least slightly different effects on the mind. Speaking from mere intuition, the imagination is an internally driven cognitive process, whereas pornography enters the brain as an external source.
Again, you make the argument that porn-free masturbation is more morally incorrect because of the way the contingent fantasies must involve real-life acquaintances/friends/etc., but are you so sure that those who do view pornography don’t fantasize about the people they know? I don’t think the two factors are that mutually exclusive. You argue that fantasies in the absence of porn afford a higher risk of negatively affecting one’s mind and interpersonal relationships; I would argue that that risk presents itself regardless, with or without porn.
Like I stated in my post, studies provide evidence for cases in which the effects of pornography can be both adverse (sex crimes and manifest fantasies of an injurious nature) or favorable (couples who maintain healthy, porn-driven sex lives). The motivations for keeping away from pornography then are, as the subtitle indicates, a matter of choice. The risks remain relevant, but depending upon the actual justification, those without porn see themselves in a more secure or comforting light. Granted, they may still harbor fantasies that you would consider morally incorrect, but if they reject pornography for some of the reasons I mentioned, there’s no reason to deny the possibility that they could also foster fantasies of a more modest or benign nature.
Let me make this clear: I am not making any absolute claims about the morality of masturbation with respect to the usage of pornography. I myself haven’t made any assertions about whether pornography veritably strengthens or weakens one’s moral fiber. For the sake of argument, I had to acknowledge that there do exist people who hold pornography in moral contempt (quite a few actually), but that turns out to be a nearly unavoidable consequence of moral relativism.
In fact, I think moral relativism might just be the bane of our argument here. Hah.
Rodney said:
25 September 2006, 10:14 PM
This is perhaps the most intellectual conversation I’ve ever come across from people I know (well, I suppose I know one of the parties at least) on what is by most standards, a topic I’d normally associate with far cruder debate. I feel compelled to comment, especially since Alex pointed out the initial comment to me the other day.
The link between fantasizing about acquaintances and masturbation is an interesting topic that I’ve rarely (make that never) heard discussed in a mature way. I don’t really agree that the specific act jeopardizes interpersonal relationships any more or less–the fantasizing is an outgrowth of some sort of attraction I assume, and merely a personal expression of it. It can be argued that attraction itself jeopardizes interpersonal relationships sometimes, but is that immoral or just a part of the human condition?
Then again, as Alex said, morality is all relative.