simonlife

I would have spared your life if your eight bazillion legs didn’t gross me out so much. Really, I would have. I fully admit that it is a pitiable fault of my own that I cringe at the sight of your kind, especially when you and your brothers and sisters are really just harmless cohabitants of God’s green Earth. I admit that I have been conditioned either by evolution or social priming to fear small, crawling vermin that may carry disease or poison-tipped über-tentacles, and that this aversion can direct my behavior in completely irrational and cruel ways. And so it is with these confessions that I must also apologize for shooting you in the face with my hairspray before finally sending you down the can.

Wherever you may be, rest assured that you shan’t be alone for long; should your friends take a similar liking to my bathroom ceiling, they will be joining you shortly.